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Compiled by Donald Ray Burger Attorney at Law |
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We get angry because we are "should"-ing on people.
Marshall Rosenberg
A Heart to Heart Talk. 1999
Feelings
The purpose of feelings is to mobilize us to get out needs met.
Marshall Rosenberg
A Heart to Heart Talk. 1999
NVC
As NVC [nonviolent communication] replaces our old patterns
of defending, withdrawing, or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism,
we come to perceive ourselves and others,
as well as our intentions and relationships,
in a new light.
Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized.
When we focus on clarifying what is being
observed, felt, and needed
rather than on diagnosing and judging,
we discover the depth of our our own compassion.
Through its emphasis on deep listening--
to ourselves as well as others--
NVC fosters respect, attentiveness, and empathy,
and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, 2005
Punishment
Punishment is at the root of violence on our planet.
There are ways of maintaining social rules and regulations
that do not involve any kind of punishment.
If we ask two questions of ourselves,
we will see that punishment never works.
First question: What do we want the other person to do?
Now, if we ask only that question,
one can make an argument for punishment.
You can probably think of times when you know
that somebody was influenced to do something
either by being punished for what they had done
or out of a threat of punishment.
However, when we add the second question,
we see that punishment never works.
What is the second question?
What do we want the other person's reasons to be
for doing as we request.
Marshall B. Rosenberg,
Teaching Children Compassionately: How Students and Teachers Can Succeed with Mutual Understanding, 2005
Requests versus Demands
Requests are received as demands
when others believe
they will be blamed
or punished
if they do not comply.
Marshall B. Rosenberg
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, 2005
Created August 27, 2009
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